Everything Was Perfect
by Starlight63
Summary: a series of poems about Lowe's thoughts before, during, and after the sinking of Titanic.  Some are AU
1. Everything Was Perfect

**Everything Was Perfect**

Things had begun to finally look up for me

I had a job as an officer of the best line in the world

I got along with my fellow officers

I worked for money and made and honest living

A few of my fellow officers and I even befriended each other

We worked as a team, knowing one another's strengths and weaknesses

Looked out for each other, making sure everyone aboard was safe

It was the way the life of an officer should be

Until she struck the iceberg.

Then it seemed as if our captain and chief officer

Had mentally shut down and didn't know what to do

Or how to face such a dire prospect as the unsinkable ship going down

Perhaps that is why they were unable to take charge when we needed them most

And that is why our First Officer has stepped up to become the person

Who is responsible for saving as many aboard as possible.

He will be one of the last to get off, he wants to make sure

Everyone else that can be saved is safe, that's just who he is.

Now everything seems to be going wrong:

People are panicking, not that I blame them,

The ship is sinking faster than we can load people on the boats

Passengers are refusing to leave

Refusing to listen to the officers who are trying to save them, thinking they know better Than the officers whose jobs it is to keep them safe while traveling

Oh God what is happening here?

I just heard gun shots and people screaming.

Only the Chief, First, and Second Officers have guns, aside from myself, please tell me None of my fellow officers have shot one of the passengers or themselves!

None of them are that cowardly!

Maybe they were just trying to prevent the passengers from rushing the boats!

It wasn't Murdoch I can see that now, he's still loading the lifeboats

Lights wouldn't shoot himself or the passengers, he might threaten to but he would never Shoot one of them or himself, that's not his way.

But our chief officer might have shot himself, just not being able to take the strain that The sight of panicking passengers any longer.

Please don't let that be the case! We are already going to lose enough good people this Night, there is no need for anyone to take their life.

Do they know that there isn't much time left?

Is that why they are ordering me to man this lifeboat?

Does Murdoch know that he won't survive? Does Moody?

Is that why they are bidding me goodbye and good luck?

None of us deserves this!

We all have people back home who are waiting for us.

People who in only a few hours will be widows, widowers, orphans.

None of these people should have to die this night.

I have to return and save as many as I possibly can, if I can save even one life, it will be worth the horrors I may see and won't ever forget.


	2. Home Where We Belong

**Home Where we Belong**

I had so many plans for my life

Becoming a captain, having a family.

But that was not meant to be,

The becoming a captain anyway

But I was able to become a senior officer

And to have a family that loved me and

Never asked me too many questions

About the events of that night

I am going to be leaving

Hopefully I'll get to see James again

And Will.

My grandchildren are named after them

They were my best friends onboard

That Godforsaken ship

I'm back on Titanic now.

Will and James are welcoming me back

James is thanking me for listening to him

And moving on but never forgetting

I keep my promises 

_Aye that you do Harold that you do._

Will was the one who told me

I had to go back to rescue those in the water

I felt like I had to live up to your example 

_Of not leaving the ship until it was too late_

_You two were two of the true heroes_

They give me this look of understanding

All three are glad to finally see each other again

I am so glad to know that nothing can separate us now

As I look around I notice that only one person is not here

But decided not to dwell on it because I knew

None of us wanted to spend eternity with him

Every year it seems there are more joining us

Now we are just waiting on two to join us.

All of us are happy now that we are back with the ones

Who meant the most to us and whom we lost on that dreadful night.

Titanic is finally whole again and we are all home where we belong.


	3. Never Forgetting or Forgiving

**Never Forgetting or Forgiving**

Things were finally going right my life

I was making a living doing what I loved

I was an officer of the grandest ship in the world

I was finally getting along with the other officers

Especially the sixth, we had become fast friends,

Being the youngest of the officers.

We had made plans about continuing to be officers

On the same ships so that we could receive the promotions

At the same time. But none of that will ever happen now.

Sure I'll get my promotions, but my best friend won't.

_But I will be right there with you when you get to be captain_

A whispery voice said. _Aye, but it shan't be the same Jimmy._

We had so many plans. As did many who lost their lives that night,

But why did they all have to die?

Will, Jimmy, Henry, Smith, Andrews, and so many more!

While that bastard Ismay survived. If anyone should have died,

It should have been him! Titanic was supposed to be the Ship of Dreams

Instead she turned out to be the Ship of Nightmares

Taking way too many good people that night.

She also made all of us grow up and become heroes.

None of us will ever forget those God awful screams

Those screams of the people who were unable to get into the boats.

Nor will I ever forget seeing the people who I was too late to save

I will see their faces until the day I join them wherever it is

We go when we leave here.

_You did what you could Harold. You saved six_

_And you gave my family peace. _

But I wasn't able to save my best friend from an early grave

And for that I will never forgive myself.

Perhaps with time I will learn to accept that fact

But I will never forgive myself for it.

_Just don't let the pain eat you up Harold. _

_You have a life still to live. Just promise that you will be able to move on_

_From this and live your life to the fullest and get all those promotions._

I will live my life and get those promotions

But never will I forget my best friend.

I won't let his memory be forgotten and be sunk like the Titanic.


	4. Shock

**Shock**

Possessions, though lost, are easily replaceable

Live and friendships and mentors are not

Aye they lost loved ones, but I lost my best friend

He was the only one who knew that I had been

In touch with a member of my family, knowing

She alone would care if I were still alive. When

I told her about Titanic she told me he had also

Gotten a job aboard. Our mothers grew up together

And got together at New Year's

And for birthdays. I could never remember a time

When I hadn't been friends or written to James.

He was the one who helped me get that first

Job after I left home. He alone understood why I

Wouldn't work for no one for nothing. Why did the

Only officer who truly understood me have to die?

There was one other who tried to understand and mentor me

First Officer Will Murdoch had talked to me a

Few times wondering why I seemed so distant

To all but James; but he never truly understood

How a person could just leave his family. He did

Get me to post a letter at Queenstown

Telling mom and dad that life was good aboard Titanic

He was the only other who might have understood

This pain I'm feeling knowing that James didn't

Make it, but I did. But Will didn't make it either.

Now it's only Lights, Boxhall, Pitman, and myself

Aye they cared about Will and James, but we've

Always been at odds with each other, and they don't

Seem to understand why the fact that neither Murdoch

Nor Moody survived is tearing me up inside.

I know the pain will ease in time, but the shock of losing

Both my mentor and my best friend so suddenly

Will never cease.


	5. Unspeakable Horrors

**Unspeakable Horrors**

I have seen horrors in these waters none should ever endure.

A mother clutching her frozen babe, knowing it is too late for both

A fellow officer frozen, never leaving his ship nor his duties, but rather they desert him. These are the sights I shall see in my nightmares for the rest of my life.

But the sounds are the worst of all: for a while there were screams about how cold it was And returning the boats in hopes of saving a few, then it grew eerily quiet. It was the Quiet of death and it is something one can never forget.

And the cold! Unlike anything I have felt before or since.

The only thing you can feel in that kind of cold is your life slowly slipping away.

"I will never be warm again," you think.

"I will never see those I love again."

When we were saved all I could think about were those I was unable to save.

I hope in time we will be able to live with the memories of these unspeakable horrors we Have witnessed.


End file.
